Revolving Door.

One day I need to carry a notebook and a pen with me and keep a tally of how many times I repeatedly do something in a day. Wash the same sippy cup, pick up the same toy, walk to the trashcan, wipe the same butt, say the same thing over and over and over. I believe I could blindfold myself and still be able to run the household just fine considering all I do one day to the next is a repeat of the day before. Except of course on grocery day when I have to drag along 2 to 4 kids with me and manage to get enough contents in my cart to make a complete meal every day for a week. But, every grocery day is the same, too. The same ole routine, the same ole list of the same ole items we need. I am not complaining, by any means. I love my life and I can count on less than one hand the things I would change about it if I had the opportunity.

I hate routines, I used to say "How boring would your life be if you did the same thing every day over" Then I realized, I AM IN A ROUTINE. I wake up at 6:45 every morning, the first thing I do is plug in the flat iron, pee, then wake up the girls. Tie shoe laces, brush hair, flat iron hair, insert bow and drive them to school. Come home, feed Kyle breakfast, dress Caleb and start a load of laundry, Kiss my husband as he leaves for work then start making beds. I won't give you a run through of my entire day but the all start out just the same. The moment I realized I am doing all the things that I despised so much when I would speak of 'growing up' and the things that I'd swear I would never do, is the moment I realized I am getting old and perhaps my life will always be a revolving door. A few things may change a long the way as the kids grow up, I am sure I will have to adjust but no doubt day in and out I will repeat the day before.

Everything I do, I do it for you.

It's amazing how much you do for your kids without even realizing it. I have been into the Halloween candy way more than I should have been but then I realize that the reasoning behind it must be my parental instincts taking over. The more of the candy I consume the less my children do. Which means I am preventing cavities and looking out for their well being. If everyone passed out the icky gummy body parts, sour
eyeballs and generic chocolate pumpkins this would not be an issue. Curse all of you who buy the good stuff to which I have to consume for my children's sake.

It's no secret that I am not a morning person. If it were up to me I would not rise until noon. But, because I have kid's I wake up early to get them primped and groomed and off to school; mostly on time. And I say mostly because until lately we were in a mad dash to get them out the door on time and to school before being counted tardy which involved them running down the hall to get to their classrooms all while shoveling down breakfast on the go.

Every spare penny we have goes to our children. Buying

new shoes, the latest styles in clothing, the newest toy, sending money to school for this or going out and buying that for the classroom... Some may say we spoil them, and it's true! We do. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I will always put my wants aside to give my children all that I can. Even if it means selling clothes out of my own closet just to afford it.

I always protested mini vans. I told my husband even before our first child was born that he would never ever buy me a mini van. I refused to let one sit in our driveway let alone drive the awful thing. But, as our family grew the need for a bigger vehicle did also. And last year I went against everything I worked so hard to despise and bought our first mini van FOR THE KIDS. And now I secretly love it, but shhhh don't tell.

Dressing up as a dude for Halloween and my husband dressing up as a chick is no exception. Our kids beg us every year to dress up with them. So for them, we do. Might as well have a little fun with it, right?

Tug of War Mommy

"Momma, I want some chocolate milk"

"Momma, I need help with homework, I don't understand it"

"wah-wah" Translation: I need a bottle.

"Momma, Caleb hit me"

"Momma, I'm thirsty"

"Momma, she won't share the computer."

"Momma, we are hungry and there is nothing here to eat"

"Momma, come wipe me I have diarrhea"

"Momma, will you fix me something to eat, I'm hungry"

"wah-wah" Translation: I need a dry diaper

"Momma, Caleb is coloring on the walls"

"Momma, I need a pull up"

"Momma, I want some Kool-aid"

"Momma, book fair is tomorrow at school, can we have money?"

"wah-wah" Translation: Hold me

"Momma, I pooped"

"Momma, where is the charger to my ipod?"

"Momma, Caleb is bothering the computer again"

"Momma, I want to play basketball, the money is due Friday"

"Momma, I can't find my favorite shorts"

"wah-wah" Traslation: I need another bottle.

"Momma, I wanna watch Spongebob, no wait, Toy Story! no wait, Spongebob."

"Momma, Caleb is trying to push the tv off in the floor"

"Momma, can we play the PSP?

"Momma, when you go to Walmart can you buy me the new Barbie fashion hair designer?"

"wah-wah" Translation: I pooped in my diaper and I want it off.

"Momma, Caleb is getting into the medicine cabinet"

"Momma, My belly hurts."

"Momma, Sissy won't let me play with her toy"

"Momma, Caleb is pulling my hair"

"wah-wah" Translation: It's time for some baby food.

"Momma, Can you turn on the Wii for us?

"Momma, we are bored there is nothing to do here"

"Momma, Caleb is trying to poke out Kyle's eye"

"Momma, can I have $5.00?"

"Momma, I want some Kool-aid, no wait, chocolate milk, nah just get me kool aid.

"Momma, can you warm us up some pizza rolls?"

"wah-wah" Translation: I need a nap.

"Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Translation: THERE IS ONE OF ME AND THERE IS FOUR OF YOU. YOU HAVE TO WAIT YOUR TURN, THE BABY COMES FIRST. YOU HAVE A DADDY TOO, GO ASK HIM! AND BEFORE ASKING PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. I AM RAISING FOUR KIDS ON ONE INCOME I AM NOT MADE OUT OF MONEY AND SINCE THERE ISN'T A MONEY TREE GROWING IN THE BACKYARD YOU ARE EITHER GOING TO HAVE TO GET A JOB OR LEARN THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING. CALEB IF I HAVE TO GET AFTER YOU ONE MORE TIME YOU ARE GETTING A SPANKING AND GOING TO TIME OUT. WE HAVE 3 COMPUTERS, AN XBOX, PLAYSTATION 3, PSP, WII AND EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE HAS THEIR OWN IPOD AND ALL THE TOYS A CHILD COULD POSSIBLY WANT, THERE IS NO REASON TO BE BORED! NOW FIND SOMETHING TO DO BESIDE STAY UNDER MY FEET AND GET ON MY NERVES. YOU COULD ALWAYS GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM. AND BEFORE YOU ASK ME WHERE SOMETHING IS YOU COULD ACTUALLY LOOK FOR IT YOURSELF FIRST. IT'S NOT GOING TO JUMP OUT AT YOU. WE ARE NEVER OUT OF FOOD, FOR THAT WE ARE BLESSED, PLEASE LEARN TO FIX YOUR OWN SNACK. A MICROWAVE AND TOASTER IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. NOW WHERE IS MY TYLENOL AND PROZAC, MOMMY HAS A HEADACHE!

You might be a parent if...

-You have ABC magnets, My Trip to Chuck E Cheese pics, and a school calender on your fridge.

-Your cabinets are full of sippy cups and bottles.................. perhaps even a shot glass (or two)

-Instead of fancy bath salts and bubble baths in your shower caddy you have roll on soap and rubber duckies.

-You have an entire bag of crunched up BBQ potato chips in your mini van that's been there a week.

-You consider going to the grocery WITHOUT snot on your sleeve being 'dressed up'.

-You take Prozac, Valium or Xanax regularly.

-You get concerned if you don't wipe a butt other than your own for several days.

-You have multiple personalities which might include: Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, and Easter Bunny.

-You go into a panic when you run out of Mr Clean Magic Erasers and Windex.

-You keep a stash of quarters in your purse specifically for gum ball machine bribery.

-You play a game similar to Clue to investigate the mystery spot in your carpet and how it got there.

- Pizza Rolls and/or Spaghetti O's are considered a meal.

-You can talk to yourself and not think you are going crazy.

-You can name all the cast of iCarly, Dora and Spongebob.

New look - New name

I have decided the time has came to rename my blog into something for fitting. I am definitely a mom over anything else so my blog should reflect on that, since that's what consumes 99.999999% of my life, right? I hope I can start making myself take a time out to share some of our wild adventures with you. It seems like the chaos and increased tremendously lately. You guys might as well get a good laugh at my expensive. So, I promise I will try to get some posts up soon. Until then tell me what you think about my new blog name.... :)

Tough Choices

At this very moment I should be asleep, laying on an operating table while my tubes are being tied and burned. So, why am I at the computer blogging?

Yesterday was my pre-op at the hospital for my tubal ligation surgery that was suppose to be taking place right now! All day I was a nervous wreck, my emotions were all over the place and I cried almost every time I looked at my sweet baby. I thought I was very sure of myself in my decision to become sterile. That was until, it started becoming so real. I kept telling myself, this is what you need to do. But, my heart was telling me otherwise. Not because I see myself having more kids. I just don't feel comfortable still being so young and the option being taken away from me should I change my mind later in life. I made the decision VERY last minute but I prayed about it, cried over it and the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach and deep in heart just wouldn't allow me to go through with it. Being a mother is who I am, raising kids is what I do. At this very moment in my life my hands are full enough and I am done bringing babies into this world. But, my love for kids is there. So, I can't speak for how I feel as my babies start getting older. I may want another. I may not. But, at least I still can if I should choose to.

Every time I look into the eyes of my children I get such a feeling of love and joy. When I look at my sweet Kyle and he smiles at me with all of his gums showing, I will be reminded of my I made the decision I did. I'm sure I will be called crazy and that's just fine with me. I'm sure I have been called worse. But this was my decision to make. My husband didn't want me to go through with it either. If we were to change our minds and decide we are definitely done having kids forever then we will do something about it then. I just couldn't go through with something I was feeling so uncertain about. I am so glad I am sitting at this computer right now instead of on that operating table having my future taken away from me.

I'm not even sure what made me decide I wanted to have my tubes tied in the first place. Maybe it was because at first I was overwhelmed with having 4 kids? Maybe it was the rude comments I received and still get over how many kids I have? Either way, it doesn't matter. I am not having the surgery done at this point in my life and I couldn't be more happier with the decision I made. I have learned a very valuable lesson from all of this. If you have the slightest bit of doubt in anything your have a choice of doing, then don't. There is a reason you are doubting yourself in the first place.

Catching Up

I have totally been a slacker this Summer when it comes to my blogging. I am beginning to think blogging is more of a Winter hobby. But, I have also came to the assumption that when you have four kids just having a hobby is a miracle. Between the diaper changes, the laundry, dishes, baths, play time, cleaning, cooking etc. there isn't much time in a day left to have a hobby.

I've always heard the expression that when your cup is already full it's bound to overflow. I'd say that raising four kids justifies having a full cup. I made the decision to put off starting my classes in the Summer so I could spend more time with my girls while they were out of school and enjoy my newborn. I almost talked myself out of starting classes this Fall as well. I feel selfish for even thinking about doing something for myself. The time spent working on school work is time that's being taken away from my kids. But at the same time, Me wanting to continue my education is FOR my kids. So, I can help give them a better life and show them that having an education in this day and time is important. I can always find a million excuses to keep myself from starting my classes, for putting it off just a little longer until I get to the point that I just forget it all together. It's not a good time, we can't afford it, will I be able to pass classes, I'm scheduled to have surgery at the end of the month etc. But I have also realized that with any amount of children there is always going to be something coming up. And with four kids you better believe that "being a good time" to start anything probably doesn't exist. So, in 2 weeks from now I will be starting my 4 full time classes and doing the best I can juggling school and my duties as a mom and wife. Wish me luck!

I mentioned surgery; yes, I am going through with having my tubes tied. This was also something I have debated with myself and nearly talked myself out of. Not because I want more children, I don't, but because of the complications and the actual surgery. I've never had surgery before and I am the type of person who thinks about every little unrealistic thing that could go wrong. My surgery was scheduled for a sooner date but because of some issues with my health it's been put off till the end of the month. I just want to be healthy and not have to fear everyday of my health taking a turn for the worse. I just pray that everything goes well with my health, with school and with my surgery. I feel like I ask so much of God that it too makes me selfish. Why is it so hard for us Mommy's to EVER think of ourselves without feeling guilty?

Enough of the serious stuff... We took our girls on a cave tour a few weekends ago at Mammoth Cave National Park. I love it there! I remember going on field trips to the cave when I was in Elementary school. The cave was something I was always so fascinated with, and still am! I couldn't wait for my girls to experience a tour. We chose the Mammoth Passage tour for them, it was a shorter tour and kind of an introduction to the cave. They absolutely loved it and I can't wait to take them back on a longer tour. I didn't get very good pictures considering how dimly lit the cave is but here are a few: