Day 20

Day 20- A picture of a place I'd love to travel.

I am a very sheltered person. I only leave our community for groceries which I have to travel at least 20 miles to the nearest store. I do not dream of going to a different country or to some fancy tourist attraction. I want to keep it realistic with somewhere that may be possible for me to go before I croak. Being that I am a nature lover, I would like to see the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone National Forrest. It's a tough choice to decided between the 2.

Day 19

Day 19- A picture and a letter.

Being the nerd I am I searched back through several weeks of Facebook status' to find this one:

Dear Whomever invented Silly Bandz, I dislike you very much! For 2 reasons; 1) Why didn't I think of getting rich off of rubber bands before you? And 2) Your stupid bracelets & rings are all over my house! Makes a nice snack for my vacuum cleaner though, considering I don't bother picking them up anymore!

life with 4 kids

I am babysitting for my Uncle which is about 2hrs away with his father in law. He was in an accident, and has brain bleeds & swelling. After he was flown to UofL they also discovered a mass in his brain and spots on his lungs. Prayers are definitely needed!

Back to the point of this post; life with 4 kids! I never imagined how it would be when the baby was born and I had 4 kids in my house. Until I started babysitting Payton, which made #4. When I was pregnant with my kids I always imagined them being in the picture and would day dream often. Transitioning from 2-3 kids wasn't such a big deal for us. Probably because we were getting our 1st boy and the excitement of that just covered the chaos of adding another. However, with this being my 4th pregnancy I can't picture how it's going to be after the baby is born. I don't day dream either, possibly because I don't have time to sit down much less get lost in some fantasy world. So I am kind of getting nervous at the reality of having another. Adults vs kids is 2:4. We are outnumbered and possibly in over our heads.

Yesterday when Payton arrived the girls of course were overjoyed because of a baby being here. They played with her and goochy-gooed at her. But Caleb on the other hand did not enjoy her presence. He is Mama's baby and he made sure she wasn't intruding on his territory! This slightly worries me. It may be different since it's his baby brother but just seeing how he reacted to her makes me nervous about how he is going to treat the baby. It's possible that I am worrying myself too much who am I kidding? I am a Mom, that is in my job description to worry unnecessarily.

Someone please assure me that it is different with your own offspring. Having a 7 year old, 4 old, an extremely jealous 2 year old and an 11 month old spoiled brat that wants to be held 24/7 is just a tad bit overwhelming!!!! But I am not complaining (or maybe I am) but I am doing my Good Samaritan duties nonetheless!

Days 16, 17 & 18

Day 16- A picture of someone who inspires me.

That would be my Sister-in-law & my nephew, Christian!! At birth we were told my nephew would never make it.. he is now 3 years old and an amazing little boy. He would not be where he is today without his mother and the determination, patience and strength she has shown. I hope that if I am ever faced with a situation like theirs I can be just as strong for my children.

Day 17- Something that has made a huge impact on my life recently.

It started with Girl Scouts, but spending that time in the pre-school room is what made my mind up about going to school for ECE. I am so excited to start classes this Summer!

Day 18- A picture of my biggest insecurity.

My past! I feel like I have moved on from certain events of my life, and I want to leave it behind me. Now if everyone else could see beyond my past and look at the person I am today....

follow-up from yesterday

I am just beside myself with the events of yesterday. I can't help but feel like I am not doing my job as a Mother. No matter how hard we try to teach our children between good & bad there is always something that is going to slip through the cracks. I keep telling myself it's nothing wrong or right I have done that made my child steal & lie and it's just a lesson she is going to have to learn the hard way. But as a Mother I only want what is best for my children and I want them to grow into respectable people. Not criminals.

Yesterday when my Husband got home from work we sat Catie down at the dining room table and questioned her about why she got into trouble at school. At first she said "I don't know." But when i told her I got a phone call and I knew why she had gotten into trouble she sunk down into her chair. I got out her backpack and went through it I found several small toys and an ink pen. I tried really hard not to make her feel like she was being interrogated but I had to find out where she had gotten this stuff. After several minutes of questions and a few fibs later she admitted she had taken the ink pen off her teachers desk. We once again explained the difference in good & bad behavior and told her she were to return the ink pen to her teacher the next day and apologize. I also told her that everyday when she got off the school bus I was going to check her backpack until I feel she can be trusted again. I think we got our point across that we were giving her a fair warning this time but if there is a next time she won't get off so easy. I was careful not to make her feel like she was a bad person, because she isn't. She just isn't making very good choices. I'm sure we could have handled it differently, but I did all I knew to do.

I have racked my brain at the possible reasons for her to behave this way. Not only are we dealing with the lies and now stealing but she has an attitude that would just make you want to pull your hair out. Rolling eyes, bobbing head, stomping off, slamming doors, throwing things, you get the picture. I keep telling myself that it's a phase she is going through and it will pass but I'm not so sure. I just wish I knew how to properly punish her over her behavior and give her the correct consequences for her actions. I just can't understand how a child that has everything imaginable thinks it's not enough and want more, then turns to stealing it to get it. Then again I wonder if it's because she has so much stuff that it puts it in her mind she gets what she wants, or she can have anything. I also realize I make way too many 'mommy threats' and hardly ever follow through with any of them. Like telling her if she doesn't behave she won't get to stay with her Nanny on the weekend, like she is used to. But no matter how badly she behaves through the week she gets to go anyways.. I feel bad because I know we should have kept her home but I am a tired mother that needs a break so I give in and send her. I now see that this only teaches her that she won't lose any privileges no matter how she acts. I know I have things I need to change in my parenting to make my kids learn important life lessons. No matter how good of a parent you think you are, there is something you will fail at and need to improve. Parenting is a learn as you go adventure not always good but not always bad either. None of us as parents are perfect but we do the best we can. I am praying for guidance to handle this situation with my daughter properly. Thanks for all the kind words and prayers.

Help me out Mommy's!!!

How ironic that my last post (that I wrote just this morning) was offering advice and now I am on here blogging asking for advice! There has been an issue going on for awhile with my 7 year old daughter about her lying. I was also very suspicious that she was taking things. She would come home from school almost every day with a toy, book, etc that she said someone gave her. I told her after several days of this that she did not need to bring anything else home, she has enough stuff as it is. But, she continued to bring things home, not only from school but from places she visited. (Not talking about stores but family members homes). She had an excuse every time for each thing she would have.. "I got it out of the treat box at school", "Me and my friend traded" etc. I knew something was going on because why were there so many of her friends that would be generous enough to give her all of these things. So I sit her down, told her stealing is wrong and she needed to return these things the next day. Days pass and I would go to clean her room and find said property hidden in her room, not returned like I had asked. I have tried everything I know to explain to her that stealing & lying are wrong. An example: One day I caught her with a bottle of lotion she had taken out of my bathroom, when I made her return it, it upset her, and she said "but you never use it, why can't I have it?" I explained to her that me not using wasn't the point, she should not take stuff without asking regardless. I would have given her the bottle of lotion had she asked but the point of her just taking it upset me.

I got a phone call today from the guidance counselor at school telling me they are having a problem with her. Her teacher is on maternity leave right now so she has a fill in teacher. Apparently she has been leaving the classroom without asking permission or saying she needs to use the rest room and she has been wandering the hallways instead. Every time she is approached by a teacher she lies and says she had permission. Then today in the computer lab the teacher saw her take a peace sign stamper that she did not have permission to take. When the teacher asked her about it, she lied again. So, the teacher asked her to take it out of her pocket and Catie acted like it wasn't a big deal because she had been caught. I try to teach my kids difference between what is right and wrong, but apparently it's not getting through to them. Please give me suggestions and advice. Also, how in the world do I punish her for this? I am desperate! I do not want my child labeled as a liar nor a thief. I am strongly against both and do not want my child to think it is okay!

Advice for this week

This past week, for me, has been full of signs that I can not explain. I am still processing a lot of them so describing them to anyone would be impossible. I mentioned before about feeling in my heart that God was trying to tell me something and show me a direction I should follow. I have never listened any time I have ever had a nagging feeling such as the one I have had lately. After stopping my hardheadedness and giving in to the feeling, I had one of the best weeks of my life unfold. It's like everything I prayed about, dreamed about and longed for were handed to me within the same week. I asked God for signs, and I received plenty of them in many areas of my life. I had no stress, no struggles, no tension between certain people that were there before. I was accepted into college, got a hands on experience in the preschool room, a job offer and a good doctor's visit. Not to mention this overwhelming feeling of happiness I have had. I mentioned to my Husband I was afraid that something bad was about to happen because of all the good that had flooded in recently. He said to me, it will be okay, what's meant to be- will be!

The most profound event of this past week happened on Friday. While dropping my little girl off at preschool, the teachers aide handed me a book that we had talked about earlier that week. She offered to let me borrow it, so I did. It isn't normally the type of book I would pick out, I tend to go for the sappy fiction love stories, but I once again had a feeling that I was meant to get something out of the message inside this book. I am a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason.' This past week has proved that to be true time and time again. God works in mysterious ways and by this book being handed to me, I have no doubt that was another blessing I was meant to receive.
I read it cover to cover in 2 days! I have never had a book to give me chills like this one did. I recommend it to everyone, you need to read this book!! It opened my eyes to a lot of things I was blind to before. And it very well could be the missing piece to my puzzle. I have been wanting to find my family and I a Church to attend regularly and after this book I am on a mission to do so, soon!

My lesson learned and advice for this week is: When you feel skeptical about following a path that's being laid out in front of you; follow anyways! Listen to those signs and feelings because they are sent to you for a reason. It could lead to a life altering adventure and put you right where you need to be in your life.. it did for me!

"Never miss out on a blessing just because it isn't packaged the way you expect"

catching up

I knew I eventually would get behind. This week has been so busy (and great) for me, I will try to do better....

Day 13- A picture of my favorite band or artist.

I love all types of music from Michael Jackson to Tina Turner and all in between (excluding RAP) It so hard to chose one favorite. For Christmas my husband got me Taylor Swift's new CD Speechless so I guess I will use her. I love all her songs!

Day 14- A picture of someone I could never imagine my life without.

I could never imagine my life without a lot of people but mostly, My children! I hope I never have to find out what it's like to outlive them. They are my heart & my soul.

Day 15- A picture of something I'd like to do before I die.

I have always wanted to go parasailing. I am scared of heights but I believe I could overcome it just this once. We are planning a trip to Florida next year, maybe I can do it then!

Get Service

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through". -Dear John

Best Day Ever

I know I am suppose to be doing Day 12 picture challenge of something I love.. but I am so excited about the day I had, all I can think about is how much I love it when God tries to tell you something and when you listen, amazing things happen. So here's your picture....

I have been getting so many signals and signs about working with kids lately. As you already know I was considering going to school for Early Childhood Education. But, until today I was still skeptical! I had decided to volunteer in the preschool classroom on days that I had a babysitter for Caleb. Today I had planned on spending a few hours helping out in the classroom. Then at 6:00 this morning I got a call that literally changed my life forever! To some it may not seem so important but the way I see it it most certainly is. The preschool teacher called to tell me her husband was sick and she couldn't make it to school today, there were no available subs and there has to be 2 adults in the preschool room. So, after having it cleared with the principle I got to stay the whole day in the class filling in along with the teachers aide. I knew after today it would either confirm that this was my calling and what God has been trying to tell me, or it would put my dreams to a screeching halt.

Thankfully, it confirmed! I loved it! I don't think my smile left my face the entire day. I was overcome with joy just being around those sweet preschoolers. I helped them on bathroom breaks, helped them with their breakfast and lunch, helped with activities and an art project etc. The environment was great and the kids were so sweet and inspiring to me. Overall it was a great day but after coming home and waiting on 3 kids of my own I. Am. Exhausted.

p.s... I could have even more exciting news coming soon! Stay tuned!

Day 11- A picture of something I hate

I HATE DUST!!!

And just so we're clear.. I got the picture off the internet. You will NEVER find dust like this is my home, if you find any at all! Ha!

What is dust made up of?
Dust is made up of a variety of things from blowing dirt, bacteria, pollen, pollutants, molds, animal dander, hair, decomposing insects, fibers, dryer lint, insulation, dust mites and their excrement, and mostly, skin flakes that humans shed.

Yuck! Just thinking about it makes me want to grab my can of dusting spray and go to work!

Day 9 & Day 10

Oops I'm late again!

Day 9- A picture of a person who has gotten me through the most.

Day 10- A picture of a person I do the craziest things with.

For both days it would be my Best Friend Talara. I have been close with her for many many years. We have had our share of ups & downs but at the end of the day we know what we mean to each other, and everything turns out okay. I have said many times that she is more like my sister since we used to (and still do) fight like sisters!

We don't really do anything crazy together, but we have a lot of crazy memories and we always make whatever we are doing fun. Like this day she wore a mullet wig around the park while we let the kids play. Boy, did she get some funny looks!

Mama Said

As I look at myself in the mirror with the bags under my eyes, uncombed hair and dried snot on my shirt sleeve, I remember:

♪♫Mama said there'll be days like this

There'll be days like this my mama said♪♫

As I wipe fingerprints off everything in the house, clean up spills, do a mountain of laundry and dishes, I remember:

♪♫Mama said there'll be days like this

There'll be days like this my mama said♪♫

As I get stressed out, feel the urge to want to rip my hair out, sit and cry, I remember:

♪♫Mama said there'll be days like this

There'll be days like this my mama said♪♫

As I look into the eyes of my children, heart melting and feeling overjoyed with love I remember Mama said it would never be easy, but she did say it would be worth it!

♪♫Mama said there'll be days like this

There'll be days like this my mama said♪♫

Day 8- A picture that makes me laugh

This picture was from our camping trip to the lake last summer. My dad letting my daughter 'drive' the boat. She kept saying "faster, faster." Such a fun day!

Just wanted to pass along

I enjoy reading just as much as I enjoy writing. Here are a few things I wanted to pass along to my fellow bloggers & followers. Enjoy!

A Facebook friend posted this link a few days ago and I keep reading it over and over again. Every mother must read this:

http://www.incourage.me/2011/02/the-why-of-encouragement.html

While browsing through other blogs I came across this one. I found her posts to be very funny and true!

http://lauriesontag.com/?p=259

http://lauriesontag.com/?p=238

Another blog you definitely need to check out to get your laugh on is this Mom's blog. She is hilarious! I always look forward to reading her posts!

While I'm sharing.. (I am most excited about this one) I downloaded a great app for my BlackBerry. It's called Bible powered by YouVersion software. It has all kinds of reading plans so you are able to read through the entire Bible. I chose the 1 year reading plan with the New Living Translation but because I read through several days at once I hope to read the Bible front to back in less than a year. Hopefully I will finally be able to mark that one off my Bucket List!

Here is the link so you can download the app to your mobile phone. It supports many different phones. :)

http://www.youversion.com/mobile

Day 7

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

My most treasured item is my baby ring. It was my Mother's, and grandmother's ring that was passed down to me, and I passed it down to my first born daughter so she can pass it down to her daughter. Although I can't actually find my ring to take a picture of it. (Apparently I have it put up so good, even I can't find it.) It has survived over 60 years and a house fire! It is the only thing I kept from our house fire that we lost everything in. Other than the pictures other family members have of me as a baby, my ring is all that is left!

Day 6

Day 6: A picture of someone you 'd like to trade place with for a day.

This one took a lot of thought (it's a day late, I told you I suck at this)! I am not interested in having fame for a day. Living in a small town people are in your business enough. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to be famous. The fortune I could live with as long as I can stash it in an off shore account to claim after I am myself again. So, I guess I would trade places with my Husband!

I know, I know, corny, right? But seriously! I think it would be interesting to be in a man's body for a day. I am in no way questioning my gender, I love being a woman and ALWAYS will. But what more complex creature is there on Earth other than a man!?

How hard is it to pee through the ring and not on it and all around it? What causes males to have so much gas? Is scratching yourself really that enjoyable? I guess the best part of it would be, getting out of bed, throwing on some clothes, and not having to worry about fixing your hair or makeup! No, wait.. the best part would be watching him as me, waiting on the kids, doing the house work, while I sit back and 'scratch' myself!

Following my yellow brick road

I have never ever ever been good at deciding anything that has major importance. I have mentioned before at how indecisive I am. I have been enrolled in 3 different colleges since I graduated high school, 2 in a classroom setting and 1 online. And have no degree. The first college I attended was 40 miles away from where I lived and I had a baby and a full time job, fresh out of high school and no life plan. I was studying Medical Assisting. I did really good in all my classes despite how hard it was on me. But, eventually the stress took over and I had to postpone my studies to work and be a mom and wife. A few years later I tried an online college to study Medical Office. Once again, stress of being a young mother, having a full time job and having no clue what I was doing as an adult took over and I couldn't finish then either. I decided I did not want to start pursuing another education that I couldn't finish so I just focused on working and raising my daughter. Then over the years we had another daughter and a son and now another on the way. So I was labeled Mommy with no hope of ever having a career.

Last Summer I said to myself, yes, you are a mom and wife but that doesn't mean you have to be held back from accomplishing something that is so important to you. I worked retail, I worked in food, I had factory jobs and I knew without a doubt that when my kids got older I did not want to be in that type of setting my whole life. So last Fall I enrolled in a technical college closer to home with hopes of becoming an LPN. I did not even make it through my CNA class before I knew this was not the career for me. I have always wanted to work in the medical field, even as a child I would play nurse. But in reality, it wasn't something I saw myself doing. I felt like I violated the manikins we had to practice on in class. If I felt that way about a plastic body, how would I feel about a real person? It takes a special person to be a nurse, but I am just not cut out for it. I felt like such a failure once again for not being able to finish what I started. But I knew I was not going to give up that easy.

After talking it over with my Husband we both agreed that while I am home with the kids I needed to do some type of studies but it definitely didn't need to be in a classroom. We just can't afford a daycare for the kids while I have class. Just being in college with 4 kids would be stressful enough so I wanted to make sure I chose a path to make it easiest on us all. So, I have been looking into online colleges. I actually graduated high school from the school I am looking into and loved the way it worked. I was also able to graduate a year early. I was already in college when my class were Seniors. I know I can do this, I was/ am a good student and I have never been more driven to accomplish this than I am now. I told myself 2011 was MY year to do things I have been dreaming of and make a good life for myself and my family. If I do this I will be the only college graduate in my family. Sometimes as mothers we have to put our dreams on hold to raise a family, and that's okay. But I am not giving up on my dream of wanting to help people.

This is where the indecisive part comes in. I am between the careers I want to pursue. I loved the Medical Office program I was in before so I considered looking into the Medical Administrative Program. But, after having my Girl Scout Troop I have enjoyed working with kids more than I ever thought I would, who knew?! Ach hmm.. Mom of 4. So I am also looking into Early Childhood Education. Here comes my dilemma. If I were to choose ECE I have to make sure that my degree I would be receiving from an online college would meet the requirements of the State of KY, since they vary from state to state. So far, I haven't been able to get the information I need on that. I guess overall that will be my deciding factor. I want to enroll in a near by University's Distance Learning program but considering my high school diploma was online, I don't think I meet general admission requirements. I want to have a degree by the time my 2yr old is in school so I can hopefully go to work and will only have to worry about daycare for 1 child. But, I just can not do it unless it's online. I would hate to know I spent 2 years studying for something, earn my Associates Degree and not be able to get a job with it. This grown up stuff is hard, whew! But, hopefully with enough thought and plenty of prayers I can make the right decision and finally accomplish something I have been trying to for 7 years now.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

As a Mom of course I think everything a lot of the stuff my kids do & say is adorable. Just last night, my husband & I were watching tv & Caleb comes in the living room, turns off our surround sound & said "bedtime." Then he grabbed his pillow (pidrow) and blanket (Spob) out of the floor and marched to his bed. We sit there and laughed so hard at the fact our 2 yr old son told us it was bedtime. After a few minutes Caleb returned to the living room and said "Moan" (come on) so, after that we went to bed.

This morning, Caleb's hair was sticking up all over his head and Catie made the comment that "he has horns all over his head" Oh, the irony in that statement! =D

The other night we were sitting at the dining room table eating supper, I was talking about the peach cobbler I had made and said something about my Dad & Grandma not being able to eat it because they are diabetic. That's when my 4yr old said "I didn't know Nonnie was diabetic" Like she even knows what that means?! But the cutest part of it was she said 'diabetic' perfectly. If you have ever heard Kayley talk you know she can't pronounce anything right, so that made it so hilarious for us.

It is true; Kids say the darndest things!

My favorite lingo that comes from my kids are:

Kayley- Dirtday (birthday)

Catie- Salary (celery)

Caleb- Bries (fries)

Day 5

Day 5- A picture of your favorite memory.

I have a lot of favorite memories but this one stands out the most to me right now. The day my hubby & I took a road trip without the kids. We ate a picnic lunch in the park at Daniel Boone National Forrest then hiked 2 different trails to see Cumberland Falls & Yahoo Falls. We had such a fun & relaxing day. The time we have alone without the kids is always special to me & I think it's important for parents to have that time every now & then. We plan to take the girls here in warmer weather. Such a beautiful place! I love being outdoors and discovering all of God's creations!

Day 4

Day 4- A picture of your night.

This pretty much sums it up and it repeats every night of the week.

Already Slacking...

Day 3- A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

I love Roseanne even though all I can watch now is re-runs. I think my family is a lot like the Connor's! I am usually grouchy but try to keep a good sense of humor, never taking anything too serious. Roseanne is my role model, I want to be just like her minus about 200 lbs :-). Our kids are even similar. Catie is Becky; really into boys, prissy, embarrassed by her parents. Kayley is Darlene; Tom boyish, more independent, sarcastic. Caleb is DJ; sweet but mischievous and I think they look like too. Then she has a 4th child later in the show, a boy, which is what I am expecting! Nick is even like Dan; a family man, works hard to support his family & is always doing handy man work. I am perfectly content being compared to the Connor's as long as we leave out the acid wash jeans!

Saturday Disaster

Yesterday was a full schedule for the kids & I. I cleaned house & did laundry most of the morning, got myself & the kiddos ready to venture out for 2 birthday parties & to go shoe shopping. I do not understand how my oldest is so hard on her shoes. We usually have to buy 2-3 pair of tennis shoes within one school year. Yesterday made her 2nd pair within 5 months! Anyways, I'm getting off subject.. We had also made plans to take the kids out to eat for supper last night as well.

Getting myself & 3 kids ready to go any where is a task all in itself. The hair, the clothes, shoes, jackets etc. We had to stop to buy a gift for one of the parties then it was off to the shoe store. This is where all H-E double hockey sticks broke loose. I was so embarrassed at how my kids acted in the shoe store I literally had tears in my eyes! While attempting to try shoes on both the girls & keep Caleb from tearing down the shelves & shoes boxes, not to mention keeping him from throwing shoes all over the store & trying to put them back on the shelf in the correct spot.. I started having contractions! Braxton Hicks of course, but still uncomfortable! I also kept having back pains that hurt so bad they almost brought me to my knees. I honestly think it was from wrestling a 35 lbs kid (15lbs over my limit). I made the comment in a FB status that my kids acted like 3 hyena's on meth, and it was no joke. Although I'm not sure exactly what hyena's on meth would act like, I'm pretty sure they played the role well! Caleb is always a handful to take in any store, but the girls wouldn't cooperate either, which is unusual for them. They were arguing, wouldn't listen to me when I asked which shoes they liked, yelling at each other. I felt eyes on me, I know people had to be staring. But, I focused on the task at hand & got out of there as quickly as I could. Somehow I managed to get both the girls new shoes, in the right sizes & under the spending limit my Husband set for me! I was so mortified & exhausted by the time we left the store I just wanted to go home right then & go to bed! I took the gift in at the first party while leaving the kids sitting in the van, apologized and left. Had the 2nd party not been my Best Friend's son I would have dropped off that gift as well. I made my Mommy threats on the drive to the 2nd party, took a deep breath and prepared myself for the possible chaos that awaited me.

The kids actually behaved while at the party! Except for my son trying to eat a cigarette butt, it went well! I kept telling the kids over and over to be careful with their food... then managed to drop my plate upside down in the floor. The kids of course didn't spill a crumb, so I guess the joke was on me. Heading home from the party I debated whether or not I still wanted to go out to eat or just cook at home. My exhaustion decided for me, out to eat it was! At least my husband would be there to calm the situation had it gotten out of hand. We decided on Chinese, the kids were well behaved there as well. Needless to say, I had a good nights sleep last night. Just goes to show that kids are always a blessing but can very well be a nightmare. Doesn't make me love them any less! It does make me wonder how life will be taking 4 kids out alone. As the saying goes I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Day 2

Day 2: A picture of me & someone I've been closest with the longest. My HUSBAND! Have I ever mentioned how much I adore love my husband. Friends come & go over the years, some drift apart and some stick around but, my husband has never ever let me down. He has always stayed by my side through everything. And I know he always will. I am so blessed to have him in my life!

30 day photo challenge

Okay, I give in. After seeing many Facebook & blog friends doing this, I figure I will jump aboard & do it too. I'm not making any promises though, I suck at committing to stuff of this nature. We shall see how long I stick to it.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of yourself

1. I am obsessed with playing the Word Search game on Facebook. Actually, I'm obsessed with Facebook in general.

2. I refuse to buy generic brands of laundry detergents, soaps, household cleaning supplies, toiletries etc. but I always look for the generic grocery items.. It should probably be the other way around, oh well.

3. I instantly freak out when I smell something burning. Ever since living through a house fire I guess it has made me extremely gun shy of smoke/fire.

4. I am terrified of spiders. They can sneak up on you without you ever knowing they are there... eeek!!!

5. I am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet.

6. I couldn't live without my BlackBerry. It's more like an extra limb on my body.

7. I buy a ridiculous amount of shoes, especially high heels, knowing I will probably never wear them. My husband once told me I have enough shoes for a family of spiders, haha.

8. I dust my house everyday, even when there isn't a speck of dust in sight. I may be a little OCD. =D

9. I can't sleep unless I'm facing a wall & have a fan on for noise.

10. I am terrified to leave my curtains or blinds open at night, I am paranoid someone is looking inside my house at me, even though no one probably ever would considering I live in such a small, close knit community where everybody knows everyone.

why, Why, WHY

Why do I stress over things that are beyond my control? Why do I worry about things that I know is going to happen & me worrying over them isn't going to change it? Why do I constantly feel like someone is always out to bring me down? UGH! I know that no matter what I do there is always going to be someone that I can't please, or someone to judge the situation. I wish so bad that I could find some sort of peace with myself to take off all this stress that shouldn't even be an issue for me. It's not that I am so concerned with what people think of me, my life, my mistakes, my flaws, etc.. it's just that no matter how hard you work to better yourself, theres always someone lurking the corner waiting for you to fail. There's too many people that hold grudges. Too many people with unjust opinions, too many people to place judgement upon someone. That is certainly not our place as humans to do. I am only one woman, and I am not perfect. I wish I could meet someone that was... oh wait, no one is! Too many people forget that as well. People are always quick to point out your wrongs but forget all of theirs. Quick to pass judgement on your mistakes even if they too have made the same ones. There will always be things in this world that I do not understand, and I know that I am not suppose to understand them. All I want for myself is that balance of knowing what I should let get to me and knowing what I shouldn't. There's a saying that goes; "There are things to stress over, things to fuss over, and things to look over." But, it's up to me to figure out which is which! And I'm afraid until I can do that, I will never feel at peace with anything! I try so hard to run or hide or mask things that bother me instead of working through them. You think I would have learned by now that no matter how long you avoid your problems or issues they never go away!

I check my horoscope daily. And sometimes they are so scary accurate that it sends chills down my spine. For example this was my horoscope on the day that all this was on my mind:

You may feel like running away. You may want to turn around and escape whatever is bothering you in the world today, Libra. Many of your tribe are inclined to want to make a quick getaway when there's an issue you don't want to deal with. Although you are very fair-minded and justice-oriented, you do not like to deal with conflict that is sometimes associated with making things right. You would be much better off today if you stand and face whatever is bugging you, and work through it. It's not as bad as you think, and will actually lead to major improvement in some area of your life.

I know all of this is true and I know what it would take to be better off but why is it so hard to do it? why, Why, WHY