Following my yellow brick road

I have never ever ever been good at deciding anything that has major importance. I have mentioned before at how indecisive I am. I have been enrolled in 3 different colleges since I graduated high school, 2 in a classroom setting and 1 online. And have no degree. The first college I attended was 40 miles away from where I lived and I had a baby and a full time job, fresh out of high school and no life plan. I was studying Medical Assisting. I did really good in all my classes despite how hard it was on me. But, eventually the stress took over and I had to postpone my studies to work and be a mom and wife. A few years later I tried an online college to study Medical Office. Once again, stress of being a young mother, having a full time job and having no clue what I was doing as an adult took over and I couldn't finish then either. I decided I did not want to start pursuing another education that I couldn't finish so I just focused on working and raising my daughter. Then over the years we had another daughter and a son and now another on the way. So I was labeled Mommy with no hope of ever having a career.

Last Summer I said to myself, yes, you are a mom and wife but that doesn't mean you have to be held back from accomplishing something that is so important to you. I worked retail, I worked in food, I had factory jobs and I knew without a doubt that when my kids got older I did not want to be in that type of setting my whole life. So last Fall I enrolled in a technical college closer to home with hopes of becoming an LPN. I did not even make it through my CNA class before I knew this was not the career for me. I have always wanted to work in the medical field, even as a child I would play nurse. But in reality, it wasn't something I saw myself doing. I felt like I violated the manikins we had to practice on in class. If I felt that way about a plastic body, how would I feel about a real person? It takes a special person to be a nurse, but I am just not cut out for it. I felt like such a failure once again for not being able to finish what I started. But I knew I was not going to give up that easy.

After talking it over with my Husband we both agreed that while I am home with the kids I needed to do some type of studies but it definitely didn't need to be in a classroom. We just can't afford a daycare for the kids while I have class. Just being in college with 4 kids would be stressful enough so I wanted to make sure I chose a path to make it easiest on us all. So, I have been looking into online colleges. I actually graduated high school from the school I am looking into and loved the way it worked. I was also able to graduate a year early. I was already in college when my class were Seniors. I know I can do this, I was/ am a good student and I have never been more driven to accomplish this than I am now. I told myself 2011 was MY year to do things I have been dreaming of and make a good life for myself and my family. If I do this I will be the only college graduate in my family. Sometimes as mothers we have to put our dreams on hold to raise a family, and that's okay. But I am not giving up on my dream of wanting to help people.

This is where the indecisive part comes in. I am between the careers I want to pursue. I loved the Medical Office program I was in before so I considered looking into the Medical Administrative Program. But, after having my Girl Scout Troop I have enjoyed working with kids more than I ever thought I would, who knew?! Ach hmm.. Mom of 4. So I am also looking into Early Childhood Education. Here comes my dilemma. If I were to choose ECE I have to make sure that my degree I would be receiving from an online college would meet the requirements of the State of KY, since they vary from state to state. So far, I haven't been able to get the information I need on that. I guess overall that will be my deciding factor. I want to enroll in a near by University's Distance Learning program but considering my high school diploma was online, I don't think I meet general admission requirements. I want to have a degree by the time my 2yr old is in school so I can hopefully go to work and will only have to worry about daycare for 1 child. But, I just can not do it unless it's online. I would hate to know I spent 2 years studying for something, earn my Associates Degree and not be able to get a job with it. This grown up stuff is hard, whew! But, hopefully with enough thought and plenty of prayers I can make the right decision and finally accomplish something I have been trying to for 7 years now.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Philippians 4:13